Sometimes the events of the day juxtapose in ways that are, at the very least, strange. The headline of October 9 - US drops 5000 lb. bomb on the moon as President Obama is awarded Nobel Peace Prize - certainly fits into this category. But I have a precognitive hunch things are going to get even stranger as a consequence of all this. The following is a speculative chronology of the way I see events unfolding over the near term:
Oct 12th – NASA places video footage of crater left by the bomb on You Tube.
Oct. 13th – Mary Jones, a nurse from Kansas, sees the video and is convinced she sees the image of the Virgin Mary in the crater and posts her vision.
Oct 13th – Immediately following Mary’s posting, 5 million people claim that, they too, see the image and believe it is a message from God.
Oct 14th – Thousands of small groups of people, calling themselves the followers of Moon Mary, meet to discuss the cosmic meaning of all of this.
Oct 15th – Rick Smith, the grandson of one of the men who first stumbled upon the Roswell, NM alleged UFO site, himself an amateur astronomer, claims to see something more scientific in the crash site and schedules a press conference on Oct. 20th to talk about his findings.
Oct 20th – The following is a transcript of Mr. Smith’s press conference:
Mr. Smith – “ Using a high powered telescope that I purchased on Ebay, I was able to analyze the NASA images in ways that provide concrete evidence that something was clearly uncovered by the blast. My analysis showed it to be a small glass bottle with strange symbols on it.
Questioner 1 – “ Were you able to decipher the symbols.”
Mr. Smith - “ Yes, using the Star Trek universal translator, I was able to decode the symbols. I can state with absolute certainty that the translation reads: Yoo-hoo chocolate drink.
Questioner 2 – “But the Star Trek Universal Translator, uh, isn’t real. It’s, like, uh, make believe.”
Mr. Smith – “No it’s real! I bought it at a Star Trek convention from Spock himself. He told me it was real! It speaks Spanish, French, Ebonics and all alien languages. The only thing I’m not sure about is whether it’s diet or regular Yoo-hoo.
Questioner 3 – “ Mr. Smith, what do you think this means?”
Mr. Smith – “ It means that Alien beings knew how important Yoo-hoo was to the fabric of any intelligent society. Yoo-hoo is the liquid soul of the universe.”
Oct. 21st – Shares in Dr Pepper Snapple Group Inc. (the parent company of Yoo-hoo) soar 1000% and Rick Smith is hired as CEO with generous stock options.
Oct 28th – Osama Bin Laden releases an audiotape saying that he too grew up loving Yoo-hoo. “As a small boy I always drank Yoo-hoo while reading the Koran,” he said.
Oct 29th – Bin Laden signs a contract with Dr. Pepper Snapple Group Inc. for 5 million making Yoo-hoo the official drink of Al Qaeda.
Nov. 1st - A group of scientists calling themselves The Group Against Religious Nonsense and Stupid Science convenes to weigh in on these issues. At the conclusion of their meeting they issue the following statement:
After carefully analyzing the data we can state, unequivocally, that there is no image of the Virgin Mary in the moon’s crater. The image is actually Frank Costanza, George’s father. In addition, the symbols on the glass bottle are not an alien language but English turned upside down. When turned right side up, the bottle reads Bud Lite. It appears this bottle was left on the moon by Neil Armstrong. during a late night party before the flight home.
Nov. 2nd - Dr Pepper Snapple Group Inc. stock tanks. Rick Smith is fired.
Nov 3rd - A group calling themselves The Syndicated Seinfeldians stand in front of Larry David’s home with a sign that reads:
The crater is a message from God telling you to bring back Seinfeld for a reunion show. It’s God’s wish Larry; you have to do it. Curb Your Enthusiasm is great, but it’s not Seinfeld. God wants Seinfeld.
Nov 3rd - Neil Armstrong, interviewed on Larry King, makes the following statement:
“ I did leave a bottle behind, but it was Miller Lite not Bud. And I didn’t leave it on the moon, I left it on the set at Universal Studies where the entire Apollo hoax was filmed.”
Dec. 1 - Dr Pepper Snapple Group Inc. files law suit against The Group Against Religious Nonsense and Stupid science, claiming Armstrong’s statement about Miller Lite means that there may have been at least two bottles, not one, and that the original bottle may still be alien Yoohoo.
Dec. 10th – Administration officials release a report stating that the impact from the bomb changed the orbit of the moon resulting in a series of very positive climate changes on Earth and the reversal of global warning.
Dec. 11th - President Obama addresses the UN and says the US has saved the planet and he now wants to be called King Barack.
Dec. 12th – Russian Prime Minister Putin addresses the UN and claims that the entire US bombing-the-Moon-mission was actually a digital fabrication done at Disney studios. There was no bombing the Moon and global warming is still here.
Dec. 13th – President Obama, claiming he was conned into this by Bill Clinton to improve his tumbling approval ratings, admits to the fabrication, resigns and joins Rick Smith and the other 10 % of the population on the unemployment line.
Dec. 14th – Congress is called into special session and releases the following statement:
Due to the unique circumstances, we have decided to temporarily abandon the Constitution and hold a special election with Former President Bill Clinton and Al Gore as the two candidates. Prior commitments to bipartiship not withstanding, Sarah Palin's comments that “ I can see the Moon from my lawn” and “ I’m all in favor in sending more troops to support our forces on the moon,” convinced us to ban the Republicans from this election.
Dec. 15th – Hillary Clinton, when asked if she would be comfortable being her husband’s Secretary of State should he win, she replied. “ Are you bleeping me, I’m not supporting that BLEEP. After all the crap I’ve had to take from that BLEEP, I‘d have to be a complete BLEEPING idiot to support that BLEEP. I’m supporting Al.
Dec. 18th – Al Gore wins in a landslide.
Dec. 20th – Oliver Stone begins production on the movie MOONGATE. Rumor has it that Brad and Angelina will be playing Rick Smith and Moon Mary.
Dec. 25th – Larry David leads worshippers during a celebration of Frank Costanza’a alternative Christmas holiday,” FESTIVAS” for the rest of us. Everyone was given a bottle of Yoo-hoo.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Betrayal 101 - Instructor, Mrs.Vader
There are lots of ways to describe who we are as human beings, but the one that strikes me as the most useful is that we are storytellers. We love to read, watch and tell stories. But most importantly, we are stories. Our sense of self is built around our personal histories. Without our stored collection of memories woven into a coherent saga, we don’t exist. Our personhood is our narrative. And since this is our story, we tend to edit it in ways that makes us feel as good about ourselves as we possibly can as we navigate through life. In other words, we have a tendency to “sanitize” our experience. We deny, distort and delete periodically, so that our narrative and sense of self remain intact. We typically refer to this unconscious editing process as rationalizing or reducing cognitive dissonance.
The reason for my current interest in narrative editing was triggered, surprisingly, by a new TV show. It’s called The Good Wife and centers around the spouse of a politician who cheated on her and also ended up in prison. We’ve all seen variations on the betrayal theme countless times. When played out on national television – the humiliated wife standing by her high profile husband - it’s riveting theater. Yet, despite the obvious traumatic nature of the events, many of these women stay with these men. We saw it with Hillary Clinton, Kathy Lee Gifford, Elizabeth Edwards, Silder Spitzer and Jenny Sanford. These women are always smart, accomplished and competent, yet they tend to choose to stay with the men who betrayed them. Why? I believe there are a number of reasons, all of which we are aware of – except one. But first some background.
Of all the events that can occur in a marriage, betrayal is obviously the most combustible. The level of emotionality it generates far exceeds anything else in terms of intensity and longevity. The emotional “after burn” can last a lifetime. After the initial shock wears off, rage, sadness, pain and anxiety take over, each emotion periodically taking center stage. And like other losses – and one can certainly categorize an event like this as a loss – the intensity of the event slowly diminishes over time and life, ostensibly, returns to normal. It doesn’t take much, however, for those intense emotions to be triggered by any number of events. And when that happens a brief, but no less intense, reenactment of the initial drama takes place. This scar runs deep.
Unlike most women, however, high profile wives caught in the headlights of notoriety experience something even more intense. It’s one thing when your husband cheats and your friends and a few family members know. It’s quite another when your humiliated image has been ‘youtubed” around the world. The brain is not quite prepared for that level of embarrassment and humiliation. It’s impossible to sleep, eat or focus. It feels as if somebody lit a match inside your head and a firestorm blew through your mind. Your personal narrative now lies in ashes on the floor of consciousness. Your life as you knew it is now over and the edges of terror start to slowly creep around. Given all this, why in world would anyone stay with their lecherous husband?
Let’s begin with the more traditional explanations. Ending a long-term marriage is a difficult thing to do, especially when children are involved. The bonds that have developed over decades of shared experience are not easily dissolved. In addition, being alone and starting again is, in and of itself, traumatic. Then there are the financial issues. Do we have enough money to sustain two homes and maintain the lifestyle we currently enjoy? And then of course there is the terrifying thought that I might never find another person, and I’ll grow old alone. Taken together, the case can be made for remaining in a relationship after betrayal.
But there may be an additional unconscious motive behind the decision to stay in a marriage after betrayal. Something that taps into a part of ourselves that we never want to acknowledge, something that Darth Vader would understand. Carl Jung called it the Shadow, the darker side of ourselves. When all is said and done, there’s a part of staying that is all about revenge. You will never, however, hear this said by anyone. How can you? Who would ever say they’re staying in a marriage to exact revenge on their spouse. You would sound insane. Consequently, it takes a great deal of editing to “sanitize” this experience into some acceptable narrative. But underneath, deep down where the action is, revenge is a driving force.
This is something Darth Vader clearly understood. Just ask Mrs. Vader. You see THE DARK SIDE never really was a concept in Darth’s mind until a series of unfortunate events(for him) occurred during the early stages of his marriage. It seems that Darth was straying a bit at the office with a temp from the interplanetary office pool. And one day, while he was at work, Mrs. Vader noticed a strange boxy looking device with a small speaker hidden in his study. After examining it closely, she realized it was a type of phone wired to a single number. When she pressed the send signal, a perky feminine voice replied, “hi hon, let me know when the wife isn’t around and we can get together.” At that moment in time, life for Darth changed forever. The following is a never-before-seen transcript of the conversation that Mrs. Vader had with Darth that evening when he returned home.
Darth- “ Hi honey, I’m home.”
Mrs. Vader – “ I’ll be right down. Why don’t you sit on the couch and make yourself comfortable.”
Darth - “ Did you have a good day.”
Mrs. Vader – “ Actually, it was quite enlightening. As I tell you about it, I think you’ll find it impactful it its most literal sense.”
Darth (now a bit uneasy) – “ really, it sounds like something interesting went on.”
Mrs. Vader (now in the room holding the device) – “ Very interesting. While I was rummaging around, I came across this strange looking device. Would you be able to explain to me what this is? It just looks so interesting.”
Darth (now looking as if he sees the Enola Gay overhead) – “ Oh yeah, this, well…..uh…..well.. I’m working on a new way to send subspace communications.”
Mrs. Vader - “ subspace communications. Sounds great! But I have a better idea. Judging by its size, I say it a perfect fit for your head.”
And without missing a beat Mrs. Vader proceeded to slam the device down on Darth's head. And just like a hand and glove, it was a perfect fit.
Darth - “ get this off of me. It’s dark in here.”
Mrs. Vader – “ Darthy boy, you have no idea how dark it’s going to get.”
And thus, both Darth’s new look and The Dark Side were born.
Emotions have a certain logic to them. And if you’ve been embarrassed and humiliated on the kind of scale that these women have, you’re going to want justice. When your life story is shredded and you’re using every bit of energy just to keep putting one foot in front of the other the Shadow takes over, working outside the boundaries of consciousness. One can easily imagine a wife’s Shadow voice saying, “ you are going to pay for this you bastard, and you’re going to pay and pay and pay…….”
Revenge is best served privately. Just ask Mrs. Vader.
The reason for my current interest in narrative editing was triggered, surprisingly, by a new TV show. It’s called The Good Wife and centers around the spouse of a politician who cheated on her and also ended up in prison. We’ve all seen variations on the betrayal theme countless times. When played out on national television – the humiliated wife standing by her high profile husband - it’s riveting theater. Yet, despite the obvious traumatic nature of the events, many of these women stay with these men. We saw it with Hillary Clinton, Kathy Lee Gifford, Elizabeth Edwards, Silder Spitzer and Jenny Sanford. These women are always smart, accomplished and competent, yet they tend to choose to stay with the men who betrayed them. Why? I believe there are a number of reasons, all of which we are aware of – except one. But first some background.
Of all the events that can occur in a marriage, betrayal is obviously the most combustible. The level of emotionality it generates far exceeds anything else in terms of intensity and longevity. The emotional “after burn” can last a lifetime. After the initial shock wears off, rage, sadness, pain and anxiety take over, each emotion periodically taking center stage. And like other losses – and one can certainly categorize an event like this as a loss – the intensity of the event slowly diminishes over time and life, ostensibly, returns to normal. It doesn’t take much, however, for those intense emotions to be triggered by any number of events. And when that happens a brief, but no less intense, reenactment of the initial drama takes place. This scar runs deep.
Unlike most women, however, high profile wives caught in the headlights of notoriety experience something even more intense. It’s one thing when your husband cheats and your friends and a few family members know. It’s quite another when your humiliated image has been ‘youtubed” around the world. The brain is not quite prepared for that level of embarrassment and humiliation. It’s impossible to sleep, eat or focus. It feels as if somebody lit a match inside your head and a firestorm blew through your mind. Your personal narrative now lies in ashes on the floor of consciousness. Your life as you knew it is now over and the edges of terror start to slowly creep around. Given all this, why in world would anyone stay with their lecherous husband?
Let’s begin with the more traditional explanations. Ending a long-term marriage is a difficult thing to do, especially when children are involved. The bonds that have developed over decades of shared experience are not easily dissolved. In addition, being alone and starting again is, in and of itself, traumatic. Then there are the financial issues. Do we have enough money to sustain two homes and maintain the lifestyle we currently enjoy? And then of course there is the terrifying thought that I might never find another person, and I’ll grow old alone. Taken together, the case can be made for remaining in a relationship after betrayal.
But there may be an additional unconscious motive behind the decision to stay in a marriage after betrayal. Something that taps into a part of ourselves that we never want to acknowledge, something that Darth Vader would understand. Carl Jung called it the Shadow, the darker side of ourselves. When all is said and done, there’s a part of staying that is all about revenge. You will never, however, hear this said by anyone. How can you? Who would ever say they’re staying in a marriage to exact revenge on their spouse. You would sound insane. Consequently, it takes a great deal of editing to “sanitize” this experience into some acceptable narrative. But underneath, deep down where the action is, revenge is a driving force.
This is something Darth Vader clearly understood. Just ask Mrs. Vader. You see THE DARK SIDE never really was a concept in Darth’s mind until a series of unfortunate events(for him) occurred during the early stages of his marriage. It seems that Darth was straying a bit at the office with a temp from the interplanetary office pool. And one day, while he was at work, Mrs. Vader noticed a strange boxy looking device with a small speaker hidden in his study. After examining it closely, she realized it was a type of phone wired to a single number. When she pressed the send signal, a perky feminine voice replied, “hi hon, let me know when the wife isn’t around and we can get together.” At that moment in time, life for Darth changed forever. The following is a never-before-seen transcript of the conversation that Mrs. Vader had with Darth that evening when he returned home.
Darth- “ Hi honey, I’m home.”
Mrs. Vader – “ I’ll be right down. Why don’t you sit on the couch and make yourself comfortable.”
Darth - “ Did you have a good day.”
Mrs. Vader – “ Actually, it was quite enlightening. As I tell you about it, I think you’ll find it impactful it its most literal sense.”
Darth (now a bit uneasy) – “ really, it sounds like something interesting went on.”
Mrs. Vader (now in the room holding the device) – “ Very interesting. While I was rummaging around, I came across this strange looking device. Would you be able to explain to me what this is? It just looks so interesting.”
Darth (now looking as if he sees the Enola Gay overhead) – “ Oh yeah, this, well…..uh…..well.. I’m working on a new way to send subspace communications.”
Mrs. Vader - “ subspace communications. Sounds great! But I have a better idea. Judging by its size, I say it a perfect fit for your head.”
And without missing a beat Mrs. Vader proceeded to slam the device down on Darth's head. And just like a hand and glove, it was a perfect fit.
Darth - “ get this off of me. It’s dark in here.”
Mrs. Vader – “ Darthy boy, you have no idea how dark it’s going to get.”
And thus, both Darth’s new look and The Dark Side were born.
Emotions have a certain logic to them. And if you’ve been embarrassed and humiliated on the kind of scale that these women have, you’re going to want justice. When your life story is shredded and you’re using every bit of energy just to keep putting one foot in front of the other the Shadow takes over, working outside the boundaries of consciousness. One can easily imagine a wife’s Shadow voice saying, “ you are going to pay for this you bastard, and you’re going to pay and pay and pay…….”
Revenge is best served privately. Just ask Mrs. Vader.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
GroundHog Day & Regression to the Mean
If asked what the word average means, most people would probably define it as not being particularly good or bad. Others might say it means not standing out in any way. Really good or really bad pops out dramatically –think of lists of the best or worst movies– but average never quite gets noticed. It's invisible. This changes, however, when we place average in the context of statistics and behavior. In statistics the term mean is used to describe the average meaasurement for whatever is being studied. And it is only when we begin to explore the rhelm of statistics that “average” becomes both very interesting and very powerful.
A few weeks ago the Wall Street Journal had an article in their sports section about the statistical concept called regression to the mean. This concept suggests that behavior, over time, tends to drift back to the average. In this particular case the question being asked was whether Albert Pujols going to hit 60 home runs this year? At that time, Pujols had hit 34 homers for the first half of the season. This meant he would need another 24 to achieve the mythic number of 60. One would think this was highly probable given his current performance. Looked at from the point of view of regression to the mean, however, the answer is, no, he won’t make it. Based on Pujols home run output in previous years, his first half of the season should be considered an aberration, and the rest of this season would reflect his average performance.
Now, let’s take regression to the mean and make it more personal. We all have a series of behavioral patterns that recur frequently. These patterns are so much a part of our lives that there are moments when we feel as if we’re Bill Murray in GroundHog Day. And it is our lifestyle patterns where regression to the mean has its most profound implications. Some of these patterns are the ones we most often complain about and attempt to change. Take for example our attempts to lose weight, eat more healthfully, increase our activity level, stop procrastinating, get more sleep, manage money better, etc. And while we’re at it, why not include attempts to stop arguing with our spouse or kids. We all know what typically happens during these motivational moments in our lives. We start out strongly and then slowly and inexorably, revert back to the old patterns that reflect our “behavioral mean.”
There’s an old saying in psychology that goes as follows: the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Clearly, there is something to the phenomenon of habitual behavior having an almost magnetic pull to it. And, not limited to behavior. Social psychological research has demonstrated that mood – our “average” everyday experience- is subject to the same tendency to drift back to the mean. So whether something really good or really bad happens in our lives, our mood drifts back to that narrow band of day-to-day experience we typically have. Anyone who has won the lottery will tell you that the state of euphoria lasts only for a brief period of time before their everyday mood returns to the mean.
All is not lost, however. We all know individuals who have figured out ways to negotiate with themselves at critical micro-moments in time in order to sustain the changes they’ve made. What that means (no pun intended) is that they created a new mean, a new set of average behaviors that were more functional, and they sustained the new patterns for a sufficient amount of time for the patterns to “take.” And when you boil it all down, it really is all about one key element – doing what you know you should be doing when you don’t feel like doing it. And a wonderful byproduct of this is our day-to-day mood tends to improve as well. The old Nike tag line, JUST DO IT, has some serious merit.
A few weeks ago the Wall Street Journal had an article in their sports section about the statistical concept called regression to the mean. This concept suggests that behavior, over time, tends to drift back to the average. In this particular case the question being asked was whether Albert Pujols going to hit 60 home runs this year? At that time, Pujols had hit 34 homers for the first half of the season. This meant he would need another 24 to achieve the mythic number of 60. One would think this was highly probable given his current performance. Looked at from the point of view of regression to the mean, however, the answer is, no, he won’t make it. Based on Pujols home run output in previous years, his first half of the season should be considered an aberration, and the rest of this season would reflect his average performance.
Now, let’s take regression to the mean and make it more personal. We all have a series of behavioral patterns that recur frequently. These patterns are so much a part of our lives that there are moments when we feel as if we’re Bill Murray in GroundHog Day. And it is our lifestyle patterns where regression to the mean has its most profound implications. Some of these patterns are the ones we most often complain about and attempt to change. Take for example our attempts to lose weight, eat more healthfully, increase our activity level, stop procrastinating, get more sleep, manage money better, etc. And while we’re at it, why not include attempts to stop arguing with our spouse or kids. We all know what typically happens during these motivational moments in our lives. We start out strongly and then slowly and inexorably, revert back to the old patterns that reflect our “behavioral mean.”
There’s an old saying in psychology that goes as follows: the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Clearly, there is something to the phenomenon of habitual behavior having an almost magnetic pull to it. And, not limited to behavior. Social psychological research has demonstrated that mood – our “average” everyday experience- is subject to the same tendency to drift back to the mean. So whether something really good or really bad happens in our lives, our mood drifts back to that narrow band of day-to-day experience we typically have. Anyone who has won the lottery will tell you that the state of euphoria lasts only for a brief period of time before their everyday mood returns to the mean.
All is not lost, however. We all know individuals who have figured out ways to negotiate with themselves at critical micro-moments in time in order to sustain the changes they’ve made. What that means (no pun intended) is that they created a new mean, a new set of average behaviors that were more functional, and they sustained the new patterns for a sufficient amount of time for the patterns to “take.” And when you boil it all down, it really is all about one key element – doing what you know you should be doing when you don’t feel like doing it. And a wonderful byproduct of this is our day-to-day mood tends to improve as well. The old Nike tag line, JUST DO IT, has some serious merit.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
speed and power
Occasionally, the events of the day reveil some universal truths about the human psyche. One such event occurred during the July 4th weekend when, in the midst of the country’s yearly celebration and the death of Michael Jackson, Sarah Palin announced that she was quitting as Governor or Alaska. Her leaving office so quickly after the election with two years left in her term begs the question, what universal truth could possibility be associated with Sarch Palin’s behavior? The answer is: the speed and power of speed and power.
The moment John McCain selected her as his running mate Sarah Palin was irrevocably changed. The change was immediate. It was as if she had been injected with new DNA that overrode all previous genetic code. Instantaneously, she became - in the minds of a large segment of the population -an important person whose every word or deed was considered newsworthy. Things she wanted or needed she got immediately . The pace of her world moved - to use Startrekian terms- from impulse power to warp speed.
The moment this hit home in her psyche, when Sarah Palin realized she was now SARAH PALIN, she must have gotten the same rush as a meth addict getting that first "hit." She was now a power junkie and there was no returning to her previous ego state. The old ego was now in pieces on the floor of consciousness. And when she went back to work as the Governor of Alaska, she was confronted with a set of feelings equivalent to the experience of a drug addict who ran out of dope. Going over the details of the latest changes in the fishing laws in the state of Alaska was not going to satisfy her.
Anybody who has ever moved from another part of the country to New York knows that, once your brain is rewired to the pace of the city, it’s hard to live elsewhere. Speeding up is a lot easier than slowing down. Once acclimated, its difficult to adjust to a slower paced environment without experiencing feelings analogous to drug withdrawal. Anger, frustration and annoyance - all elements of what we usually refer to as “edginess” - typically manifest themselves. Sarah Palin got the “high octane” version of speed and power and she’s hooked. Unfortunately, her political decisions were based on the assumption that she has the talent and intelligence to sustain the kind of “up-tempo” world that will feed these addictions. For if she’s wrong - and all the evidence suggests she is grossly overestimating her skills to do anything - the crash she is going to experience inside her head will make a nuclear explosion sound like a firecracker. Withdrawal is going to be very painful.
The moment John McCain selected her as his running mate Sarah Palin was irrevocably changed. The change was immediate. It was as if she had been injected with new DNA that overrode all previous genetic code. Instantaneously, she became - in the minds of a large segment of the population -an important person whose every word or deed was considered newsworthy. Things she wanted or needed she got immediately . The pace of her world moved - to use Startrekian terms- from impulse power to warp speed.
The moment this hit home in her psyche, when Sarah Palin realized she was now SARAH PALIN, she must have gotten the same rush as a meth addict getting that first "hit." She was now a power junkie and there was no returning to her previous ego state. The old ego was now in pieces on the floor of consciousness. And when she went back to work as the Governor of Alaska, she was confronted with a set of feelings equivalent to the experience of a drug addict who ran out of dope. Going over the details of the latest changes in the fishing laws in the state of Alaska was not going to satisfy her.
Anybody who has ever moved from another part of the country to New York knows that, once your brain is rewired to the pace of the city, it’s hard to live elsewhere. Speeding up is a lot easier than slowing down. Once acclimated, its difficult to adjust to a slower paced environment without experiencing feelings analogous to drug withdrawal. Anger, frustration and annoyance - all elements of what we usually refer to as “edginess” - typically manifest themselves. Sarah Palin got the “high octane” version of speed and power and she’s hooked. Unfortunately, her political decisions were based on the assumption that she has the talent and intelligence to sustain the kind of “up-tempo” world that will feed these addictions. For if she’s wrong - and all the evidence suggests she is grossly overestimating her skills to do anything - the crash she is going to experience inside her head will make a nuclear explosion sound like a firecracker. Withdrawal is going to be very painful.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Weight Management - Part Two
Successfully losing weight is a big deal - no pun intended.
Changing your lifestyle patterns is tantamount to changing your religion. There is not a single stitch in the fabric of your life that will not be effected by losing a significant amount of weight. The way you think and feel about yourself, the way others respond to you and the choices that are available to you are now all different. Therefore, developing the skills to cope with all of this is no easy matter. You need to think about these issues on this level in order to succeed.
Let’s begin with the following assumptions.
1) You are an intelligent individual who has acquired the nutritional information you need to make quality food choices without going on a diet. You now understand how to eat better and eat less.
2) You have successfully translated this knowledge into behavior and your body is now slowly getting lean.
3) You have integrated an exercise program into your life.
4) You feel better about yourself.
As everyone already knows, beginnings tend to go well. There’s excitement, energy, commitment and all the other good things that go along with “newness.” But. as we all know, “newness” has the shelf life of a shooting star. It’s bright, fun, fast and over. And only when it’s over do we get down to the single most important concept in life - maintenance. Simply put, maintenance is the following self statement:: “I am going to continue doing what I am already doing.” It sounds so simple yet it’s difficult to master. And weight management is the poster child for maintenance failure.
Why?
Why do people have such a difficult time?
“pssst”
Why do people
“pssst, psst, HEY ARE YOU LISTENING.”
Lloyd: “Huh, what’s happening in my head? Who are you?”
Gen. UC - “I’m the general unconscious.”
Lloyd: “The what?”
Gen. UC - “ I’m your general unconscious. You’re a psychologist, I figured you would get it immediately.”
Lloyd: “I‘m a bit slow today.”
“
Gen. UC - "Hopefully, you’ll be able to keep up with me. I think quickly, I have to keep track of a lot of information down where I live. I must say, it’s a bit different up here on the conscious level."
Lloyd - “This might sound like a really dumb question but if you’re the unconscious, by definition, you’re not accessible.. So what’s up?”
Gen. UC - “You might not believe this but a very tiny worm hole opened in your brain which allowed me to slip through, At any moment I might disappear and go underground again, so while I’m here you can take advantage of my brilliance!”
Lloyd - “OK, shed some light on weight problems.”
Gen. UC - “This is relatively easy to explain. You see, the mind is wired for journeys. By that I mean everything is structured as a story that involves getting from one place to another both literally and figuratively. And successful stories, variations on the Myth of the Hero made famous by Joseph Campbell, are the ones we enjoy the most. So losing weight is a journey that we follow by numbers, literally, Once achieved, once we get to that magic number of pounds that reflects success, we’re there. But where to we go if we’re already there.....Get It?”
Lloyd - “So what you’re saying is once the journey is over, there’s no place to go now and people get confused as to how to stay there.”
Gen. UC- “Correctomundo. So the trick is to create a shift so the focus of attention is on the behaviors that got you there instead of pounds lost .You can still use numbers like number of workouts to be completed, calories consumed, miles walked, etc., and have those activities reflect the week’s “journey”, so there is always a place to get to. This is not an easy task. People tend to get lazy and undisciplined. The concept of having to do something forever is a difficult one to accept, but it’s the reality.”
Lloyd - “Any tips on how to do this?”
Gen UC - “Yea, anxiety and mild OCD. A little bit of both are great ways to keep you focused. Haven’t you ever noticed I use these with you?”
Lloyd - “I figured you had something to do with it.”
Gen UC- “Whenever you do something stupid, I raise your anxiety just a bit so you remember those 30 lbs you use to have years ago. I even have you “see” what your old body looks like from time to time to really get your attention. And that always “trips” your OCD mechanism that insures you will then do all the right things. Being mildly obsessive about health related issues is a good thing, regardless of what most mental health professionals will tell you.”
Lloyd - “Any other tips?”
Gen UC - Yes, but this one is more difficult to deal with. It has to do with conditioning. Like everything else, your body has a certain set of feelings attached to it. So, if you were once thin, then all the associations to that body will subtly make there way into your experience when you are thin again, whether you are aware of it or not. Part of my job as the unconscious is to remind you of stuff. So if there were negative associations to being thin( e.g. low self esteem, depression, drug problems, sexual promiscuity, etc.) then you are going to feel those feelings again as your past “collides” with your present in your body. If those feelings are strong enough, they can sabotage your weight program. That’s when the conscious mind has to help out a bit and keep track of what’s happening so you can learn whatever skills you need to in order to cope with those historical factors.
Lloyd - “This sounds like it occurs more frequently than people realize.”
Gen UC - “It does.”
Lloyd - “Anything else?”
Gen UC - “One more thing. There’s a variation on this “difficult feeling” theme. If a spouse who needs to lose weight does so, it will trigger anxiety in the other spouse. This kind of insecurity can sometimes lead to sutble forms of sabatoge occuring. Perhaps we can expand on this at a later time. Sabatoge is not limited to married people. Singles can mess up there life just as easily when it becomes more difficult dealing with lots of attention. Life is complicated down here in the unconscious, but I hope I shed a bit of light on all on this for you.
Uh, oh, the worm hole is opening. Gotta go. See you next time.”
I hope my general unconscious has stimulated both your unconcious and conscious minds so as you can cope with any issue or obstacle that may stand in your way to successfully transforming your body. And I have a hunch the General Unconscious will make a few more appearances in this blog.
Changing your lifestyle patterns is tantamount to changing your religion. There is not a single stitch in the fabric of your life that will not be effected by losing a significant amount of weight. The way you think and feel about yourself, the way others respond to you and the choices that are available to you are now all different. Therefore, developing the skills to cope with all of this is no easy matter. You need to think about these issues on this level in order to succeed.
Let’s begin with the following assumptions.
1) You are an intelligent individual who has acquired the nutritional information you need to make quality food choices without going on a diet. You now understand how to eat better and eat less.
2) You have successfully translated this knowledge into behavior and your body is now slowly getting lean.
3) You have integrated an exercise program into your life.
4) You feel better about yourself.
As everyone already knows, beginnings tend to go well. There’s excitement, energy, commitment and all the other good things that go along with “newness.” But. as we all know, “newness” has the shelf life of a shooting star. It’s bright, fun, fast and over. And only when it’s over do we get down to the single most important concept in life - maintenance. Simply put, maintenance is the following self statement:: “I am going to continue doing what I am already doing.” It sounds so simple yet it’s difficult to master. And weight management is the poster child for maintenance failure.
Why?
Why do people have such a difficult time?
“pssst”
Why do people
“pssst, psst, HEY ARE YOU LISTENING.”
Lloyd: “Huh, what’s happening in my head? Who are you?”
Gen. UC - “I’m the general unconscious.”
Lloyd: “The what?”
Gen. UC - “ I’m your general unconscious. You’re a psychologist, I figured you would get it immediately.”
Lloyd: “I‘m a bit slow today.”
“
Gen. UC - "Hopefully, you’ll be able to keep up with me. I think quickly, I have to keep track of a lot of information down where I live. I must say, it’s a bit different up here on the conscious level."
Lloyd - “This might sound like a really dumb question but if you’re the unconscious, by definition, you’re not accessible.. So what’s up?”
Gen. UC - “You might not believe this but a very tiny worm hole opened in your brain which allowed me to slip through, At any moment I might disappear and go underground again, so while I’m here you can take advantage of my brilliance!”
Lloyd - “OK, shed some light on weight problems.”
Gen. UC - “This is relatively easy to explain. You see, the mind is wired for journeys. By that I mean everything is structured as a story that involves getting from one place to another both literally and figuratively. And successful stories, variations on the Myth of the Hero made famous by Joseph Campbell, are the ones we enjoy the most. So losing weight is a journey that we follow by numbers, literally, Once achieved, once we get to that magic number of pounds that reflects success, we’re there. But where to we go if we’re already there.....Get It?”
Lloyd - “So what you’re saying is once the journey is over, there’s no place to go now and people get confused as to how to stay there.”
Gen. UC- “Correctomundo. So the trick is to create a shift so the focus of attention is on the behaviors that got you there instead of pounds lost .You can still use numbers like number of workouts to be completed, calories consumed, miles walked, etc., and have those activities reflect the week’s “journey”, so there is always a place to get to. This is not an easy task. People tend to get lazy and undisciplined. The concept of having to do something forever is a difficult one to accept, but it’s the reality.”
Lloyd - “Any tips on how to do this?”
Gen UC - “Yea, anxiety and mild OCD. A little bit of both are great ways to keep you focused. Haven’t you ever noticed I use these with you?”
Lloyd - “I figured you had something to do with it.”
Gen UC- “Whenever you do something stupid, I raise your anxiety just a bit so you remember those 30 lbs you use to have years ago. I even have you “see” what your old body looks like from time to time to really get your attention. And that always “trips” your OCD mechanism that insures you will then do all the right things. Being mildly obsessive about health related issues is a good thing, regardless of what most mental health professionals will tell you.”
Lloyd - “Any other tips?”
Gen UC - Yes, but this one is more difficult to deal with. It has to do with conditioning. Like everything else, your body has a certain set of feelings attached to it. So, if you were once thin, then all the associations to that body will subtly make there way into your experience when you are thin again, whether you are aware of it or not. Part of my job as the unconscious is to remind you of stuff. So if there were negative associations to being thin( e.g. low self esteem, depression, drug problems, sexual promiscuity, etc.) then you are going to feel those feelings again as your past “collides” with your present in your body. If those feelings are strong enough, they can sabotage your weight program. That’s when the conscious mind has to help out a bit and keep track of what’s happening so you can learn whatever skills you need to in order to cope with those historical factors.
Lloyd - “This sounds like it occurs more frequently than people realize.”
Gen UC - “It does.”
Lloyd - “Anything else?”
Gen UC - “One more thing. There’s a variation on this “difficult feeling” theme. If a spouse who needs to lose weight does so, it will trigger anxiety in the other spouse. This kind of insecurity can sometimes lead to sutble forms of sabatoge occuring. Perhaps we can expand on this at a later time. Sabatoge is not limited to married people. Singles can mess up there life just as easily when it becomes more difficult dealing with lots of attention. Life is complicated down here in the unconscious, but I hope I shed a bit of light on all on this for you.
Uh, oh, the worm hole is opening. Gotta go. See you next time.”
I hope my general unconscious has stimulated both your unconcious and conscious minds so as you can cope with any issue or obstacle that may stand in your way to successfully transforming your body. And I have a hunch the General Unconscious will make a few more appearances in this blog.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Some Thoughts On Weight Management
With Oprah continuing to have difficulties managing her weight- and wouldn’t we all feel better if she finally got it right since we all like her and want her to succeed - it opens up the weight discussion once again. So I’m going to try to add a bit to the discussion that some people might find useful. Hopefully, I can provide a point of view that may allow some individuals to view their experience through a different lens, and, in doing so, allow for a new pattern or two to emerge.
I’m going to do this in two parts. The first part focuses on problem eating, the second on the critical differences between losing weight and managing that weight loss. Weight loss and weight loss management are two totally different psychological states even though, ironically, the behaviors needed to succeed at both are identical. And the difference between the two is where the action is. But first things first - eating.
The following are the problem eating categories and some suggested solutions:
Clueless Eating
This refers to people who know nothing about nutrition. I know it’s hard to believe given the amount of available information - books, magazines, TV, internet, etc. - but some people still have very little nutritional literacy. Spend some time looking at the size of some of the people walking around Disney World, and you’ll get the picture. If you fall into this category, you are, depending on you age, 30-100 lb. overweight, and on your way to a variety of serious diseases.
Solution: Read Andrew Weil, Mehmet Oz or the host of other nutritional experts who can tell you what you don’t know. Take the time to learn a little bit about food, for a little bit can go a long way.
Trance Eating
Trance eating refers to a form of negative multitasking. While doing something else - reading, watching TV, e-mailing, etc. - you’re eating, completely oblivious to what you’re doing. Eating in a movie theater is trance eating at its most obvious. It’s remarkable how someone can walk into a theater with a container of popcorn the size of Volkswagen, sit down, put the container in their lap and eat every last kernel without any consciousness. Oops, that ‘s not entirely correct. They pause, momentarily, to wash it down with sips from a gallon container of coke, the size that allows them a free refill.
One other note about trance eating. If you’re compelled to finish everything on your plate, it’s probably the consequences of your mom telling you when you were a child a variation on the theme “there are children starving in Uganda”. Over time this maternal command functions as an unconscious hypnotic suggestion, and you follow it regardless of the fact that you feel as if you are so full, you are about to explode. Trance states are not always good things.
Solution: WAKE UP! FROM THIS MOMENT ON.......YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF.........BYPASSING THE CONCESSION COUNTER.AT THE MOVIE THEATER....... AND NEVER EATING WHILE WATCHING TV.....OR AT THE COMPUTER...... OR ANY OTHER ACTIVITY. Oh, and you don’t need to finish the food on your plate. Put it in the refrigerator, or take it home from the restaurant. This way you save the food, thus satisfying mom’s command of not wasting it.
Medication Eating
Of all the substances that we ingest to make ourselves feel better, food is most often the drug of choice. We eat when we’re anxious, sad, depressed, angry, worried, annoyed, ashamed or guilty. There are probably a few others that I missed, but I think you get the point. Coping with difficult emotional states is no easy task, but that’s no excuse for constant abuse of food. Obviously - and I’m hardly the first person to say this- learning productive coping skills to deal with negative emotions is an essential skill for weight management.
Solution: Start saying NO more often and take exercise very seriously.
Sleep Deprived Eating
One of the lesser-known facts about sleep deprivation is its effect on appetite. For reasons not fully understand - maybe the brain’s need for more glucose due to fatigue - lack of sleep wrecks havoc with the hormones connected to appetite. In short, you eat more and gain weight. Enough said.
Solution: You need 7 1/2 hrs. I know you enjoy watching Leno, Letterman and Conan, but your health is more important than their ratings. This is not negotiable.
Diet Eating
This is the “well intentioned” form of problem eating, but equally useless. Diets fall into a category of experience that is doomed to failure. The moment you choose to engage in a weight loss strategy that is time limited, you can’t possibly succeed. The only difference between this kind of eating and the others is the belief that something good will come of it. It won’t.
Solution: Stop doing diets now unless you’ve chosen one that you intend to be a permanent life style change!
In part II of this essay, the focus will be on issues that typically get ignored or misunderstood. I’m going to argue that anxiety and OCD are, not only useful, but essential components of a successful weight loss strategy. In addition, you will learn about how to avoid the subtle dangers of Pavlovian conditioning. I’ll also be talking a bit about exercise.
In the interim, if you are person who should be losing weight, ask yourself the question - Am I really ready to do this? Am I ready to commit to incorporating everything I need to do and everything I need to know into what probably will be as courageous as anything I’ve done do date in my life.
Successfully losing weight is a big deal - no pun intended.
I’m going to do this in two parts. The first part focuses on problem eating, the second on the critical differences between losing weight and managing that weight loss. Weight loss and weight loss management are two totally different psychological states even though, ironically, the behaviors needed to succeed at both are identical. And the difference between the two is where the action is. But first things first - eating.
The following are the problem eating categories and some suggested solutions:
Clueless Eating
This refers to people who know nothing about nutrition. I know it’s hard to believe given the amount of available information - books, magazines, TV, internet, etc. - but some people still have very little nutritional literacy. Spend some time looking at the size of some of the people walking around Disney World, and you’ll get the picture. If you fall into this category, you are, depending on you age, 30-100 lb. overweight, and on your way to a variety of serious diseases.
Solution: Read Andrew Weil, Mehmet Oz or the host of other nutritional experts who can tell you what you don’t know. Take the time to learn a little bit about food, for a little bit can go a long way.
Trance Eating
Trance eating refers to a form of negative multitasking. While doing something else - reading, watching TV, e-mailing, etc. - you’re eating, completely oblivious to what you’re doing. Eating in a movie theater is trance eating at its most obvious. It’s remarkable how someone can walk into a theater with a container of popcorn the size of Volkswagen, sit down, put the container in their lap and eat every last kernel without any consciousness. Oops, that ‘s not entirely correct. They pause, momentarily, to wash it down with sips from a gallon container of coke, the size that allows them a free refill.
One other note about trance eating. If you’re compelled to finish everything on your plate, it’s probably the consequences of your mom telling you when you were a child a variation on the theme “there are children starving in Uganda”. Over time this maternal command functions as an unconscious hypnotic suggestion, and you follow it regardless of the fact that you feel as if you are so full, you are about to explode. Trance states are not always good things.
Solution: WAKE UP! FROM THIS MOMENT ON.......YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF.........BYPASSING THE CONCESSION COUNTER.AT THE MOVIE THEATER....... AND NEVER EATING WHILE WATCHING TV.....OR AT THE COMPUTER...... OR ANY OTHER ACTIVITY. Oh, and you don’t need to finish the food on your plate. Put it in the refrigerator, or take it home from the restaurant. This way you save the food, thus satisfying mom’s command of not wasting it.
Medication Eating
Of all the substances that we ingest to make ourselves feel better, food is most often the drug of choice. We eat when we’re anxious, sad, depressed, angry, worried, annoyed, ashamed or guilty. There are probably a few others that I missed, but I think you get the point. Coping with difficult emotional states is no easy task, but that’s no excuse for constant abuse of food. Obviously - and I’m hardly the first person to say this- learning productive coping skills to deal with negative emotions is an essential skill for weight management.
Solution: Start saying NO more often and take exercise very seriously.
Sleep Deprived Eating
One of the lesser-known facts about sleep deprivation is its effect on appetite. For reasons not fully understand - maybe the brain’s need for more glucose due to fatigue - lack of sleep wrecks havoc with the hormones connected to appetite. In short, you eat more and gain weight. Enough said.
Solution: You need 7 1/2 hrs. I know you enjoy watching Leno, Letterman and Conan, but your health is more important than their ratings. This is not negotiable.
Diet Eating
This is the “well intentioned” form of problem eating, but equally useless. Diets fall into a category of experience that is doomed to failure. The moment you choose to engage in a weight loss strategy that is time limited, you can’t possibly succeed. The only difference between this kind of eating and the others is the belief that something good will come of it. It won’t.
Solution: Stop doing diets now unless you’ve chosen one that you intend to be a permanent life style change!
In part II of this essay, the focus will be on issues that typically get ignored or misunderstood. I’m going to argue that anxiety and OCD are, not only useful, but essential components of a successful weight loss strategy. In addition, you will learn about how to avoid the subtle dangers of Pavlovian conditioning. I’ll also be talking a bit about exercise.
In the interim, if you are person who should be losing weight, ask yourself the question - Am I really ready to do this? Am I ready to commit to incorporating everything I need to do and everything I need to know into what probably will be as courageous as anything I’ve done do date in my life.
Successfully losing weight is a big deal - no pun intended.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
A PAINFUL GOODBYE
Sometimes irony juts its way into one’s life in difficult and unexpected ways. For those of you who have been reading the entries in this blog, you’re aware that I haven’t made an entry in a few months. The reason for this time lapse had to do with a very painful event that occurred on October 30th. Our Standard Poodle, Royce, whose “voice” was featured in the last entry, died at the age of six. Royce had been suffering from an autoimmune disease for two years, and the combination of the illness and the medications he was taking suddenly overwhelmed his system, and we had to put him down. Ironically, the day we made his You Tube video in 2007 was the day we first found out he was seriously ill.
Prior to Royce’s entry in the blog, I had written about life’s four key words: yes, no, hello and goodbye. Little did I know that in very short order, I would personally have to deal with the most difficult of the four: goodbye. It’s one thing talking about goodbye in the abstract and how difficult it can be, it’s quite another to suddenly have to experience it. The irony wasn’t lost on me. If nothing else, my observations on issues of personal loss would now have a bit more poignancy than before.
When Royce died, it felt as if the music stopped. The silence that followed was deafening. His presence – the combination of his gentleness, intelligence and physical beauty – was unlike any other dog I had ever encountered. At times, he seemed more human than canine. Charisma is an intangible characteristic. It’s hard to define, but you know it when you see it. Your eyes are drawn to it. It was that way with Royce. People would look, smile, talk, pet him or take his picture in an ongoing parade. And he loved every minute of it, as did I. He thought they were there for him. It’s hard to overstate the amount of joy he brought me during this most mundane of activities. It’s impossible to overstate the amount of grief I’ve experienced since he died.
Saying goodbye doesn’t happen all at once. There’s an organic rhythm to it orchestrated by the brain. It begins with shock, turns into intense sadness that continues for a number of weeks and then slowly it morphs into something different – hundreds of smaller goodbyes, moments of sadness that occur when something spontaneously reminds you of whom you lost. Over time, due to the brain’s need to restore balance, the moments occur less frequently, not necessarily less intensely.
When all is said and done, saying goodbye is really all about one word – forever. It’s viscerally understanding that you will never again see, hear or touch whom you lost. It is wrenching. It is forever.
Two months after Royce died, I had a very short dream about him. I was on the floor in our bedroom and he walked in, and I said, “ Hey boy, how are you, good to see you.” And he quickly came over, got as close to me as he possibly could, put his head on my chest over my heart and didn’t move. And that’s where he will be forever.
Prior to Royce’s entry in the blog, I had written about life’s four key words: yes, no, hello and goodbye. Little did I know that in very short order, I would personally have to deal with the most difficult of the four: goodbye. It’s one thing talking about goodbye in the abstract and how difficult it can be, it’s quite another to suddenly have to experience it. The irony wasn’t lost on me. If nothing else, my observations on issues of personal loss would now have a bit more poignancy than before.
When Royce died, it felt as if the music stopped. The silence that followed was deafening. His presence – the combination of his gentleness, intelligence and physical beauty – was unlike any other dog I had ever encountered. At times, he seemed more human than canine. Charisma is an intangible characteristic. It’s hard to define, but you know it when you see it. Your eyes are drawn to it. It was that way with Royce. People would look, smile, talk, pet him or take his picture in an ongoing parade. And he loved every minute of it, as did I. He thought they were there for him. It’s hard to overstate the amount of joy he brought me during this most mundane of activities. It’s impossible to overstate the amount of grief I’ve experienced since he died.
Saying goodbye doesn’t happen all at once. There’s an organic rhythm to it orchestrated by the brain. It begins with shock, turns into intense sadness that continues for a number of weeks and then slowly it morphs into something different – hundreds of smaller goodbyes, moments of sadness that occur when something spontaneously reminds you of whom you lost. Over time, due to the brain’s need to restore balance, the moments occur less frequently, not necessarily less intensely.
When all is said and done, saying goodbye is really all about one word – forever. It’s viscerally understanding that you will never again see, hear or touch whom you lost. It is wrenching. It is forever.
Two months after Royce died, I had a very short dream about him. I was on the floor in our bedroom and he walked in, and I said, “ Hey boy, how are you, good to see you.” And he quickly came over, got as close to me as he possibly could, put his head on my chest over my heart and didn’t move. And that’s where he will be forever.
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