STOP THE BUZZING!!

When I first heard the sounds, I thought something had gone wrong with my TV reception, the sort of problem that occasionally occurs with telephones when lines get crossed. Here I am watching the opening round World Cup match between the US and England when it is clear to me that ESPN and National Geographic have crossed signals. Nat Geo must be airing a special on bees. All that buzzing I was hearing couldn’t possibly be coming from the ESPN transmission. So I called Time Warner to see what the problem was and to get things remedied. The following is a bit of my conversation:

Me – “Hello, my name is Lloyd, and I’m having trouble with my reception.”

Rep- “ What’s seems to be the problem, sir.”

Me- “ ESPN and NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC have crossed signals."

Rep– “ Uh, what do you mean sir, crossed signals? That’s not possible.”

Me– “ Oh, it’s happening right now. The Bee Documentary has crossed over and it’s playing in the background of The World Cup. I’m hearing BUZZING; it is everywhere."

Rep- “ Sir, Nat Geo is not airing a documentary on bees right now. But you think you’re hearing bees. Perhaps there’s a beehive outside your window. Have you looked outside sir?"

Me- “ There’s no bees outside, just the bird that likes to walk through our ceiling ducts every so often."

Rep– “ Sir, you seem to be hearing a variety of wildlife sounds in your New York City apartment – quacking, chirping, buzzing."

Me– “ I SAID DUCTS, NOT DUCKS! THERE’S NO QUACKING GOING ON HERE!"

Rep– “ It’s amazing how the mind works, sir. You hear things and then, viola, they’re gone. Sometimes when you’re really tired strange things start happening. Have you gotten a good night’s sleep lately? That might help."

Me– “ I’M NOT SLEEP DEPRIVED. I JUST HEAR BUZZING."

Rep– “ Sir, have you thought about talking about this with your doctor. Or maybe it's an indication of something a bit more serious. Perhaps talking with a psychologist would help.”

Me– “ I AM A PSYCHOLOGIST.”

Rep- “ Really. Well, I’m sure your patients are getting excellent care. But I would stick to treating neurotics. I think psychotics might be a bit much for you."

Click

It would not surprise me at all to hear that large numbers of people actually did call up their cable or dish operators to complain when The World Cup first began to air. For it took about 24 hours before everyone watching fully understood that the cause of the buzzing was the Vuvuselas, the tin horns whose buzzing makes fire engine sirens sound pleasurable. While I understand they are part of South African culture, they simply don’t belong in The World Cup. Their volume interferes, not only with players ability to hear each other, but with the organic sounds of the crowd as well. And the energy of the crowd - the ebb and flow of excitement – can have a dramatic impact on the outcome of a game. Anything that interferes with the relationship between players and spectators has no place in spots. Simply put, manufactured noise should be banned at sporting events.

Someone brought a Vuvusela to Yankee Stadium last week and started blowing on it early in the game. That lasted about 4 seconds. The horn was confiscated and the fellow was politely told that if this happened again, he would be watching Yankee games at home for the rest of his life. The same rules should have been applied to The World Cup. Let the athletes play. Let the crowd roar. That’s why we watch.