A LAST FEW WORDS ABOUT TIGER

We’re all Tiger’d out about now, but a few more words are in order before we say good-bye to him for a while. Tiger’s recent statement outlining his decision to leave the tour indefinitely and focus on his family begs the question: is this a sincere attempt to salvage his marriage and family or a strategic move of last resort to cope with, arguably, the worst PR nightmare in the history of professional sports. Or, perhaps, both.

Let’s try and answer this question beginning with an obvious truth. Every one of us has a selfish component in our personality. We all go through the “it’s all about me” developmental stage as young children and then, slowly, over time we learn to share and understand the feelings and needs of other people. But deep down inside we all prefer to get what we want. The difference between the mature and immature person is not the internal state of feeling selfish, it’s overtly being selfish.

Ostensibly, Tiger Woods is acting selflessly now, not selfishly. He’s putting his marriage and family before his career. But if you look a bit more closely the lines begin to blur. First, his original schedule didn’t have him playing again until the end of January, seven weeks from now. Second, the Masters – and in Tiger’s model of the world it’s only the major championships that matter - isn’t until the beginning of April. That’s another nine weeks he doesn’t have to give up anything of consequence. Additionally, by saying he’s indefinitely putting golf on hold, he avoids having to address the media, gives his wife an opportunity to save face by giving her a reason to stay with him and provides some much needed time to figure out additional strategies to negotiate his transition back into the world.

Do I think Tiger cares about his wife and family? Yes, But to assume salvaging his business empire is not part of his motivational strategy would be extraordinarily naïve. My belief is Tiger will have to give up playing in The Masters, and possibly the US Open, in order to keep Elin in the marriage. This is, of course, unless Elin feels that Tiger, by his willingness to give up playing in these majors, has sufficiently showed he understands her pain and she allows him to play.

I’m sure that by now the psychotherapeutic emergency services team has pulled up to the front of Tiger’s mansion and their luggage has been unloaded for a long stay. And during one of the inevitable marathon marital therapy sessions, the following must happen for Elin to accept Tiger back into the marriage. He has to feel an emotional equivalence to the pain that she has felt. He’s going to have to suffer like she has. Some sort of cathartic event has to occur which will crack that narcissistic shell he has been living in since the age of two. And that can only happen if he taps into his own personal history of loss (i.e. the loss of his father). If he does – if she sees him sobbing uncontrollably - her rage will begin to dissipate and a foundation for healing will have been built. Without this happening, it’s all just conversation.

And the rest of us watch and wait. The PGA Tour, the sponsors and the fans are all waiting to see if Elin stays so the domino effect of forgiveness can begin and Tiger can resume being TIGER WOODS. Realistically, it’s going to take at least a year assuming everything syncs up for Tiger, but probability is on his side. Our culture is one of second chances. Virtually everyone is allowed back in. His golf status as the greatest player of all time and his endorsement income will be a lot easier to regain, however, than our respect. That’s probably never going to happen.